on some shame things and some past things
i sleep with carpet beetles, today i found larvae in my pillow and i thought gee this is pretty gross of me to not care about but also i am not a carpet.
i just asked someone on Craigslist the wattage for a $15 microwave because i am a grown up now.
i cried today when i found a note my mother wrote to me when my sister was born, but i stopped crying when i noticed the misuse of “your,” then i cried more because i am an asshole.
i drank a bottle of Barq’s root beer from Big Lots once and threw the bottle in the bathroom trash when i was 13 and i still feel bad for it. i paid for it after i graduated high school and moved 4 counties north.
i eat maybe once a day but i will never turn down free food.
i netflixed and chilled one time by means of miscalculated judgment, i guess i thought it was going to turn into something down the road but it turned into me crying until i dry-heaved because my legs were kind of hairy and also because i have the morals of an 81 year old Christian grandmother.
last time i went to church, i was told i was going to hell if i didn’t change my secular ways. i was wearing a Rush shirt, i think the Starman probably had something to do with it. another time i was 12 at a space-themed sleep over and we chose nicknames. when I chose “Aquarius,” they said the devil made up astrology. guess he made up the stars too lol.
“what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros” “i don’t know, Tiffany, what do you get?” “Ell if I know!” worst joke to tell at girl scout camp.
i peed myself a little twice this year. once because i was standing on a yellow jacket nest.
i think i would find a marred pig attractive if it wore a nice suit.
i actually do love my dog more than i love most people, and probably people i should love more than my dog.
when i can’t park after the second attempt, i leave.
my only social skill is making people laugh. if that doesn’t work, i immediately resort to stern, understanding nods because i assume the other person has no sense of humor and not that maybe my sense is bad.
the things that keep me up at night are bills, worrying about cancer, depression, and thinking about things I’ve said to people in passing for the last 25 years and regretting most of it.
i’m getting less than 3 hours of sleep after posting this.
